Upside Down, Inside Out
by CSI1983
Summary: Sara returns and Grissom is thrown off once again  Spoilers for 808


_A/N - I just watched Episode 808 and for the third time, it made me cry. I had watched the end sequence more then once and was rather pleased with the way that they ended Sara's part in the show. I will miss her and it will be odd not seeing her there. This is how I think her return should happen. No real mush in this becasue this is CSI and we know that Grissom does not do fluffy all that often. Read and reveiw!_

Upside Down, Inside Out

His life had been turned upside down. She had left, taking his heart with her. He knew that she wasn't doing it to be cruel, that her actions were not filled with malice but they still hurt. Everything that he had bought in their months together reminded him of her. The dishes, the picture frames even the DVD's. He wanted to throw them out, to smash them into a million pieces but every time he considered it, he thought of her and it brought the idea to a grinding halt. He did what he could to make his life normal again. He went to work, in amongst the stares of pity and whispers of sympathy and could find no peace. Every one wanted to give him advice but he knew that he could not take it. She had made her choice to move on and he had to respect that. There was no other option. He had talked to her, had discovered that she was visiting her mother. He wasn't all that surprised; she did say that she wanted to sort out her past so that it would no longer affect her present. So he wondered around, feeling as if the life that he had had, which had fit so well, was nothing more then a loose second skin. He wasn't part of this world anymore and he wasn't part of hers. He no longer knew where he belonged. Then he had gotten the phone call. She was coming back for a little while. She was short, to the point, making no promises but putting no boundaries on the time that they were to spend together. So as he had always done with her, he waited.

* * *

He was pouring over some cases when he heard someone clearing their throat. He looked up, expecting to see Greg, Catherine, anyone but her. She smiled at him and he resisted the urge to leap over the desk and pull her in his arms. She wasn't ready for that and he wasn't even sure if he was. 

"Sara. Welcome back"

She nodded and moved deeper into his office, taking a seat across from him. Her hair had gotten longer and she had put on a little extra weight but the thing that struck him was that she looked happy. It had been a long time since he had seen true happiness on her face without the cloud of sadness that often hung in her eyes.

"You look good"

"So do you"

The conversation wasn't flowing the way that it once had. It had stalled when she had left. It was the same when they talked on the phone. There was only so much you could say about the weather.

"How have you been Gil?"

Dare he answer honestly? Did he really want to tell her that ever since she had left his life felt wrong? That the bed was too big and the house too quiet without her there? That shopping alone was boring and that there was no fun in picking a DVD without someone to argue about it with?

"I don't want you to feel guilty Sara"

"Too late. I know how you feel about the way I left. Do you understand why?"

"I know that you were tired and rundown."

"I know how patient you've been. I want you to know that I appreciate that"

The moment was interrupted when Warrick came into the room, results in had. He took one look at Sara before he pulled her into a big hug.

"We missed you"

"I hope you guys have been behaving"

"We try"

"You sleeping properly yet?"

"Getting there. How long you here for?"

"Not sure yet"

"Call me and we can get a drink, catch up properly"

"Ok"

Warrick gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, depositing the results on Grissom's desk before leaving again.

"They really have missed you"

"I miss them too. I miss you as well"

Grissom tried to relax but he felt as if he had ants under his skin. He wanted to do something, anything but be here confronted with this.

"Is there anything I can do to convince you to come back?"

"To you or to the job?"

"Both. We want you back. I want you back"

Sara leaned forward and Grissom caught a smell of her perfume. She still smelt the same.

"Gil, you know why I left. I can't do this anymore. This job almost killed me."

"And us? What about us?"

Sara pulled her wallet from her coat pocket, opened it and slid it towards him.

"It was the one thing that I allowed myself to take with me."

It was a picture that he could not remember anyone taking. They both looked happy.

"I thought about you every day and every night. You have never been far from my thoughts."

"It wasn't enough to make you stay though, was it?"

"It wasn't about you and it wasn't about us. It was me Gil. I needed to get out, get some space and I didn't want you to see me at my lowest point"

"I wanted to marry you. I need to see you at your lowest point Sara. It's what makes a relationship strong"

"I didn't want to marry you without offloading all that excess baggage that I have. I need to do a serious spring clean"

"And have you done what you needed to do? Because I'm going crazy not knowing where we stand."

"I don't know the answer to that yet. I need more time"

"You've had time Sara! I understand why you left but I don't understand why you never spoke to me? It hurts far too much to comprehend and while you're off getting rid of your ghosts, I have been here trying to pretend that my life is fine. It's not though because the woman I love, the one woman who knows me has left!"

Grissom broke off before he could say anything more. He didn't want to say anything else. That was how he felt and he had waited so long to tell her that. He was expecting tears and protests but nothing came. She stood and in a move that reminded him so much of a past life, pulled him into a hug. He sunk into her soft embrace and touched the curves of her body that his hands had almost forgotten. With her in his arms, he felt whole again.

"I don't know when this will end Gil. You need to be patient"

"I love you Sara."

"And I love you"

They stayed that way for a little while longer before Sara pulled back, her face streaked with silent tears that he never realized that she had been shedding. He offered her a tissue and waited for her to return to her seat.

"So where to from here?"

"I don't know"

Grissom paused for a moment before closing the file in front of him.

"How about we do this one step at a time? I need a break and you look like you could do with a coffee and something to eat."

Sara smiled and took her wallet from the desk, slipping her arm through his as they walked out the door.


End file.
